I work in a HIV/AIDS facility. Head office is situated about 60 km from town. As a result most of our clients are farmers and illiterates. We have a few choice clients.
I tell you in this HIV scrooge women are the ones that are hit bad. A good number of our clients are men. Married with 1-4 wives, girlfriends etc. After counseling when we tell them to bring their wives to be tested, they refuse. We beg and try to make them understand that it would be better if the women gets tested so incase she is positive she can start treatment- it falls on deaf ears.
This situation pisses me off royally and there is no law that mandates a man to disclose his status to the wife. I remember one client during my customer care days that brought his wife and whispered to me that I should do her the test I did 4 him. This was a man of bout 40.if the woman was up to 20 shoot me now.
ME: what test?
HIM: that one now.
Me: sir we run a lot of tests you need to be specific (of course I knew wat he wanted but I was not in the mood to make it easy for him)
Him (leaning closer and whispering) HIV. But don’t tell her just give me the result secretly.
I was mad. Imagine his guts. I told him the woman has to b counseled and for something as delicate as HIV she needs to give informed consent. He went into a tirade bout how she is his wife and does not need to know anything. Suffice to say I won the argument. But it was a small victory as this happens everyday all around. At least this one brought his wife. Millions have refused.
As a woman do you need to sit at home and wait for your husband to tell u to get tested before u do? I’m a northern gal from Gombe i.e. core north. They tell our gals go school they say wats the point shei they will marry? Im doing my masters my aunties think I should have married instead. im working and fending for myself-they think im scaring off the men? They marry and can’t stand up to the men. There are tons of information out there about HIV but no they are waitin for husband to say lets go get tested.
Seriously women have a problem caused by us the women. We can say it’s a mans world all we want but we bring on some of the atrocities committed against us.
Ok im pissed I can write on and on but let me go take a deep breathe.
MEN ARE FROM EARTH, WOMEN ARE FROM EARTH-DEAL WITH IT.
37 comments:
1st.
I tll u my sister women r 4rm ds earth 2 oh. I dnt knw hw/y women can accept such.
Am nt 1 2 encourage disrespect, but it is necessary 4 a woman 2 tk a stand.
Stepd in2 a cab with my boo 1 day n 1 fulani girl (18) was in front wit her hubby(30). She jst kept looking @ us cos we were so free wit each odr.
Babe dnt listen 2 dz aunties oh, dy r lookn 4 sm1 2 join em.
Lvli week deariee.
Yeah I feel your pain, I didn't know there was no law that mandated spouses to tell each other their status.Na waoo. I guess the few of us who are enlightened will have to stand up and enlighten the unenlightened ones.
Being from benue state I can relate with what you are saying...
Things have started changing but it used to be a case of you are a woman....My dad always pointed out women in prominent positions in the society to me when I was growing up...
My aunts/mother also think I should forget this masters thing and get married...
I was really touched by your post. We live in a society where men are careless and carefree. Imagine the enlightened men saying that they wait till their wives are pregnant before they are sure of their status, after all women get tested when they are pregnant. They wait till that moment even though they know that they have been careless and could have infected their wives. Imagine a man who was caught by one of his gf's texting abt 10 women that he loves them all (as in group text but each woman only saw her name), this guy is notorious for having sex without condoms, his excuse "i don't sleep around, i only have relationships" with 10 or more women at the same time. This man is 50 and he has a 31yr old wife at home. I pray for her and those that have fallen victim to his philandering dick!!!
Hmm...this is heavy. Some women in Nigeria have a long way to go. I have friends who didnt even finish university and haven't bothered to do anything else with their lives except to wait for a mega rich man to come pick up the bills.
Feminist have fought some of the fight for us and we cant even continue from where they stopped.
Its a crying shame but it gladdens my heart that women like you know what's at stake and doing something positive about it. Well done.
dearie,
so sorry i am,
i just put up an update,
how are u doing by the way?
@ oluwadee rite on.women can take a stand witout being disrespectfull.
@ 4 the love.some women are just plain daft.there is alot of information flyin around bout HIV.lack of info is not an excuse for majority just plain old stupidity and the belif that it cant happen to me. as if those that it happenned to are less loved by God.
@ afro thank God 4 pple like ur Dad.the north still has a long way to go.
@ pinklips there are so many men like that. u see why i bame women 4 some of the Shit we go thru.1st u know a man is married u still follow him.some of these gals are not poor o they just want to wear fendi.
@ ollay.yes o they want the feminist to enter there houses and pull the husbands ears.hiss
@
Ignorance is definitely a factor though. I think women need more education on health issues so that they can take care of themselves and their children more.
yeah i think ignorance from the women play a big part, so called tradition has been drilled into them that they believe its honorable and virtuous to keep mute and accept whatever is thrown their way.
gradually with people like you talking, and me(whisering...lol) talking, and ondychi and co screaming, a new generation is breeding to try and overflood this ills.
uhh, so u're from the north? i'm from kaduna but i guess not as core north as you.
nice one and you should keep talking!
I didnt know that there wasnt a law mandating spouses to reveal their status. Something definately needs to be done at that. I can definately understand your frustration. The things SOME men will do to keep their "pride" is truly appalling.
It will get better.
its true oh.. i think everyone, men and women should get their self educated and wise up, once you get this there ain't no going back.
people just jump into bed with anyone just for fun.
but this disease is out there, we all need to be aware
na wa o
Am from the east, & wen i served in d north (Gombi, Adamawa state), i was so pissed at d age girls were marrying. @ least now, they have no problems with dem going to universities & college of education.
Abt d masters thing, it's not just u.Wen i was seeking my new job, my dad was like 'y r not pursuing??? d one u have is fine enof! u should b talking abt marriage, not a new job!' Luckily 4 him, d husband & job came abt d same time. I wonder wot he would have said if i'd told him i was planning 4 my masters (in UK) 4 2009! Give me an ultimatum? Most damn likely
There certainly should be a law about it. Not telling someone should be a strict penalty murder or at least some kind of severe penalty. He obviously treats his wife badly. Selfish rat.
Men are from earth, and women are from earth too. An excellent way to end this post. Women are not from Mars or Venus.
It's time for a lot of women, especially in rural areas to be awakened. For real.
Wow! Let them hear it girl!!!
Am so tired of this whole double standards rubbish. Men no get two heads now!
Anyway, nice blog. Am surprised i havnt been here before. Will be back!
it's so unfortunate that the real cure to aids isn't being revealed
aids is a virus
so what you do is get something that kills viruses
garlic is the strongest virus, bacteria, fungus killing herb in the world that is safe for humans
this sounds crazy but GARLIC is the cure to HIV/AIDS
go to youtube and type in Richard Schulze
You nailed it
"Women are from earth, Men are from earth, so deal with it"
In this case the women have to deal with, if it has to be it's up to me
Very important issue raised.I think its high time women stood up to their rights in this challenging male dominated society where women are oppressed and relegated to the background. Women need enlightment and education to combact this culture of silence. It really breaks my heart when I hear stories like this.
True Talk.
LoL on your comment on those pictures on my blog...
Cheers.
hmmmm..... God bless you
i totally agree with u on this one..y do women always have to be at the bottom of everything..this is the new age, time has changed and men need to get this into their heads.
I THINK ITS REALLY UNFAIR TO WOMEN, but thats life, if people can be more considerate and realise HIV is not a joke, then the better.
As unbelievable as that guy's action was, the story really did not seem contrived as I read it. And that is a crying shame.
As for the love said, we have to fight their battles for the unenlightened while convincing them to get their female children battle ready to deal with these challenges themselves and by that I mean convincing them that educating the female child will do a lot more than just teach them to read and write.
Hmmmmm i thot there was a law that mandated the husband to tell his wife...worraheck, whispering and things, nonsense. Super annoying.I need to speak with my aunty who is into this as well...
Please do your masters jare...people are always screaming marriage marriage marriage...theres more to life.
I know it sounds weird coming from a wedding webbie addict like me, but trust me...lol:D
Sad thing bout the HIV men and refusing to disclose to their wives……
Am so with you on women are the cause of our own problem……….
Congrats on your masters and taking charge of your life…I like hearing stories like yours from northern women…..your life will always go in the direction you steer it so we women should write the scripts of our lives.
hmmm..a very serious post indeed but i guess in dis particular case or scenario d women's situation is caused by illiteracy...cos am quite sure educated women wen dey get over d initial fears get tested...(so i think)
researching for 'Gbanja Roulette', a play I wrote on HIV/AIDS, ensured I had to speak with a lot of health/ngo workers. The problem is not just a northern one. It runs the length and breadth of this country and a campaign of enlightenment is the key.
Well done, anon girl, you're doing great work. I owe you a copy of that play.
ps @ 'sewa- yeah, was taken aback. You are a wedding addict :D
as per 20th generation cousin and blog buddy,i left u a translation of the x-project's song on pink gloves blog...lol, go and check it out.
Preach on sister! preach on! infact c'm ere lt me giv u a big big hug......u just took d wrds outta ma mouth.
When i say women r stupid sometimes, people say i'm being ridiculous.....i'm glad someone else is saying it.
is it just me seeing james comment about garlic curing aids?
Why do some men act like their wives are their property and cant make decisions for herself. I really cant get it!
thats well sad..
you have a lot going on for yourself.....kudos
nobody ever listens to me
please don't take my word on it
go to richard schulze at youtube and go to save your life volume #5:
and skip down about twenty minutes
it's something to think about
yes...this issue with hiv/aids sickens me...i am left sometimes wondering who is being protected...on the one hand, you can somewhat understand a man's need or want to keep his hiv status mum-as there is still much work to be done around erasing stigma and miseducation attached to hiv/aids...but at the expense of who?...countless women who will sleep with these men?...we have a lot of work to do...A LOT!!!...
...its a worldwide issue...albeit it presents differently in naija, in the us, things like hippa or is it hiipa-whatever the spelling can further complicate informing of spouses and/or lovers of hiv positive folks...then you also compound that with anonymous testing and blah, blah, blah...
Feel you on that one girl.
But be careful yourself when conducting this tests, anything can happen you know?
Yeah true thing, times have changed now and women shud really have a stand on matters concerning their healths and how they face their partners to go about all these. In my country, its common for men to say, ''now that you've tested and you are negative, that means i'm negative too''..you know? Crap!
Nice weekend babes...
I was diagnosed of this HIV deadly disease a friend of mine introduce Dr Lawrence to me and I actually did contact him after he has prepare what he said he will do and he sent it to me and I used it according to his prescription after one week I went to the hospital to check my status again because I was feeling differently from the way I used when I was tested POSITIVE to my greatest surprise the status was NEGATIVE the medical doctors there was surprise and I have to tell the whole world about this if you are still having this similar problem I recommend Dr Lawrence to you drlawrencespelltemple@gmail.com +2348143988536
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