Friday, August 8, 2008


After 28 years of yearning to be in a serious relationship/gettin married i am finally in a relationship that looks like it would lead to the big M. hold your congrats as the feeling of euphoria i thot i would be feelin is strangely absent. 28 wasted years and all of a sudden i have decided im not the serious relationship/marriage gal.
My single friends are happy 4 me i am happier 4 them Whats wrong wit me.
Mr Serious relationship (s.r) is a nice,generous,kind and husband material kinda guy. he is crazy bout me very religious all in all a gud package. i like him a lot but the thot of marriage has me runnin in the oda direction. B4 when i see weddin pictures on facebook i actually go green with envy now i cringe at anything related to weddings. Mr S.R said we should think of a December date i told him piont blank that my friends and i are goin to calabar this december. he frowned but let it pass and was like fyne Jan will do. i meekly suggested Dec 2009 and he laughed thinkin i was joking. i want to end the whole thing for no beta reason than the fact that i dont want to get married. i just want him as a boyffriend wit no serious commitment issues. is that to much to ask 4?And before u all ask i lyke him, i have no problem wit him i just dont want to marry him or any body.
so advice humbly needed.
i have neva been in a relationship for more than 2 months, i get bored at the monotomy of one guy,and the seemingly loss of my independence as i hate takin permission to do stuff.
4 give my ramblings im agitated and my mum has a smug smile-my kid sister hinted that i might soon get married


Afrobabe said...


Afrobabe said...

Welcome to my world, I could be in a relationship for 10 months and once marriage comes into play I bail…I don’t know what the problems is…I still blame it on all those mills and boons!!!

QMoney said...


QMoney said...

my friend,will u wake up from ur slumber before it becomes too late?do u wanna be a single mum cos u dont wanna marry or u dont wanna have kids at all?
dec08 might b too soon cos its less than a year(4ur kinds person) but maybe u should talk to sr seriously about it and settle for like july09 or sumtin.
Bored after 2months?and i tot my attention span was short??u have d price!!
u dont sound agitated to me self,u sound howz enterpreneurship??i spell am well?
@afro,u arent serious oh.wen evryone u know starts sounding like solomondyssele,there will be no one to discuss single men trips with again oh!take ya time.

aloted said...

hmm...u'll need to search deep in your soul girl and find out what the issue is...why do u think u are scared of committing?
or maybe u haven't met the one?

Anonymous said...

you're in a fix.
i think u're commitment phobic, but before u potentially ruin a great relationship, try to calm down. just breathe. take each day at a time.
just breathe.
don't let everybody else's need to see you married overrule your need to take your time.
he needs to chill with the pressure, but u also need to let him know - be honest with him about how u feel so he doesnt end up feeling like u're leading him on.

above all tho, if you're not ready u're not ready. don't let anybody pressure you babe.
take ur time - marriage is for life. you don't want to regret it for the rest of ur life.

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LG said...

Babes i nor undastand ya case o....
like our wife (aloted) said, maybe u havent met the 'one' yet *sighs*
meanwhile.... make i give u my pastor number, have u got a pen there
????? *grins*

njoy ur w'end

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

I keep reading that naija men have evolved, yes...maybe to a certain extent... but not enough...

I want to get married but then i'm too independent to take shite. plus i have to much pride to stay the underdog for too long.

Take it easy. don't do anything rash at all.

when it is time to talk honestly about how you feel...don't just give him a point blank statement that you don't want to get married...say why?

what aspects about it has you running in the other direction?...

you never know he might feel the same about certain things and then you can work thru both yours and his TOGETHER

nothing is a are the sum of all your experiences… that is what helps YOU determine what & who you will become

bumight said...

I think you have a preconcieved idea of what marriage should be and that's what you're running away from.

although It can be quite overwhelming dating a guy for couple of months, and he's talking marriage. I think you guys should talk about stuff: independence, etc and tell him to take things slow.

Free-flowing Florida said...

sista, don't worry ur pretty head abt this. go wit d flow, & wen u r 35 or 40, den do another mental analysis to decide if u really do want to marry or remain single. am i hearing someone shout 'God forbid'?

my dear, a woman's clock no b like a man's o. particularly an african woman living in african. na wen ur younger sista marry, na den ur eye go open well well.

but @ 28, u r still ok. chicks marry later now, 30 - 32. anyways, i'd say, take it easy with SR. u like him, daz a good sign. if it's marriage u r worried abt, den 4 now pretend dat it's not marriage u guys r planning 4, but a more formally recognized & acceptable boyfriending & girlfriending.

OluwaDee said...

Ah! cold feet.

Was in this kain mood yesterday, its just that me I had already sent out wedding invitations.

Deariee, marriage is a good thing. When 2 walk together, they can move mountains.
2 people can accomplish more than twice as much as one. If 1 person falls, d other can reach out and help.

Fear not n pick a date jor.

Writefreak said...

Do you have commitment phobia or what? Babe, you gonna have to sit down and search within yourself, ask yourself this, if i let mr SR go because i have a phobia commitment, will i want what i might not be able to have again?
If i end up a single maid after 95 percent of my friends are married with kids, will i envy them or will i love my life?
Or is it that you don't loev Mr SR enough to commit to a lifetime with him?
My two cents

Nigerican said...

It is soooo normal to feel this way babe. Perhaps let S.R. now you'd like to enjoy everyday with him and if by december u've reached the piont were u'd love to enjoy every minute of him... then u never know *wink*. May dey no just rush u tho... when u're completely ready u will know. Enjoy u're weekend.

(¯`·._.·[***Fresh&Fab***]·._.·´¯) said...

maybe marriage is what u need after all to calm you down.

maybe u definatly don't know

maybe u are at the time of your life where u get the marriage jilter's

i would advise, do whatever you feel in your heart, if you feel marriage is not right for you right now, then why not.

after all there are couples who have stayed up to 20 years together without marriage, what does that make them.

sweetie take your time

Sting said...

Ah ha! U r my sister from another mother. I feel u sister, totally.

zara (my alter ego) said...

aww.. ure so cute.
most people kind of feel like this, but at the end of the day, if u open ur mind and just take each day as it comes, u mite get over ur

but first have fun, at least for ur usual 2 months before he refuses to leave u and u have to do a happily ever goodluck girl

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

hmm looks to be that your not a relationship/marriage kind of person..the sooner people begin to realize that not everybody cares for the couple status the better for everyone
Maybe you need to come to terms with yourself..that marriage/realtionships are not for you well until you feel otherwise
im sure your mum will go and start fasting and praying if she could read your

anonymous gal said...

Zephni i hope u read this pls send me anor invite to ur blog and dont ask wat happened to the last one u sent


wow, well, at least you know who you are and what you want. Maybe the key is to settle with a man who you do not need to constantly seek permission from, after all marriage is a partnership that requires understanding and not necessarily permission to survive. HHmmm, I think I am going to discuss this at the Easier site because it is a topic I have been discussing a lot with friends recently.

Anyway, take care my sista and do what is best for you.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Babes, so I so understand you! Im so ADD with guys. My attention span is very limited. 2 months is about as far as I go too.
It seems like you like this guy though-and good men are hard to find these days, TRUST ME! Take your time to clear your head, so you don't do anything you regret. Keep us posted hun!

Free-flowing Florida said...

@ solo: pls blog abt it. i personally had serious issues with MM over dat permission thing last week. no, he ddnt demand dat 4rm me. but some 'well-wishers' were advising me 2 drop my 'oyibo' ways of being emancipated, & prepared 2 'submit' myself with every of MM's wishes so, forward match, i went to bros & 'warned' him ahead of time dat i aint doing dat 'subservient' shit. kasala burst. he said i believe others more dan i believe him. long story short - it aint all man who wants a 'yes sir' kind of wife!

Rita Esuru Okoroafor said...

Surely wish you all the best.

Talk to you soon.

Aphrodite said...

Marriage is a beautiful thing babes. maybe you are not sure of S.R yet. Take ur time.

doll said...

wow. dont know what to sy actually. i guess you will be alright

Parakeet said...

Hmm...and I tot it was just me and Afrobabe who is in this dilemma...truth is its a tough world out there for girls like us. Am lucky cos I finally found a man that I cant be tired of and even when am tired of him I can tell him and he will understand. Isn't that great? And guess what, no marriage on the cards! That's the good life.

For you my dear if marriage really scares you then I'd say you shud tell this guy. Dont waste his time cos he sounds like a really good guy. But really if you chill a bit you may just find that marriage is not so bad after all. Babe I wish I had more to say.

Black Girl said...

hmmm sounds like someone I know. VERY FAMILIAR with them in fact. LOL.

Omosewa said...

LOL@ur mom all excited. I think you were just having a panic attack, think about it, pray about it...I think marriage can be beautiful and it takes commitment and hard work. Maybe if you think about the kids you want to have and how you want them in a stable two parent family then you'll reconsider??

LOL, i be 16yrs oo...

Simi Speaks said...

pele love. dnt let fear ruin a great thing tho

isha said...

i thought i was the only one who had issues with monotony. give it time, it def wears away.

AlooFar said...

What is a guy supposed to say here? ehn?

Anyway, please remember to invite blogville to ya wedding O!

Favoured Girl said...

I think it's just the fear talking .... lol. Marriage is a wonderful thing if you are well prepared and ready for it. It is not something that anybody - not even your boyfriend - should pressure you to get into.

The good thing is: you said he's a decent guy and you like him so I'm sure there is a basis for taking your relationship to the next level. But if on the other hand, you are seriously terrified, scared and worried when you even think of getting married to this guy then perhaps you should let him go. Somebody else will appreciate him and you won't be feeling the guilt and pressure anymore. If you think you can marry him but just scared about the prospect of marriage then do talk about it with him, communication can make or break a relationship.

But above all, pray about it. Only God can see the future so commit yours to Him.

guerreiranigeriana said...

..i'd like to cordially welcome you to the commitmentphobe club...myself and afrobabe are already members...although i don't hope to be a member for long...but in the meantime...

...i do wonder what is up with our generation, male and female, and this fear of commitment...when did that become the way of being?...i think you (and i, but this is about you) should re-examine what marriage means to you, where you came up with that idea/ideal and whether it suits you...if it doesn't then, decide what sort of marriage would suit you...marriage is not a one size fits all and needs to be tailored to the needs of the two involved...

...maybe marriage isn't for you...honestly, you shouldn't have too much trouble finding guys who will enjoy dating you centuries without ever asking of marriage...if you can't find them in naija, abeg, come to this us of a and i will introduce you:)...good luck...

Esmeralda said...

aww, sweetie, i wish i could say something heart-rendingly inspiring that would make u shout "Eureka!" ... alas, i cant...

i have issues meself... though i like to think i want to get married...afterall i've dated someone for as long as 2years (i got bored)!

i'm scared of being alone for the rest of my life sha, so that's enough motivation, i'll just chill for the very right person.

Just do what makes you happy okay?

Kafo said...

okay if He is the one
that you would want to marry him
all these scruples and reservations would fly out the window

i think and i am not dr. phil but never having a relationship that is longer than 2 months is hard

i say don't commit if you aren't sure and maybe he should just give you more time
i don't think you should get married to a person you haven't been in a commited relationship with for at least a year

which one do you prefer
spending 2 years deciding if you want to spend 30 years with a person

good luck

Bombchell said...

sorry love. perhapsy u were in love with the idea of being married and had idealized it, and now u=you are facing the reality and effects it could have on your life.

if this is a relationship you want to work, tell him all what you are really feeling, and try to deal with yourself and figure out what you honestly want.

and if he's really the one for you, maybe that's why your not itching to get married, or you're scared.

Omo calabar. said...

Hmmmmmmm dont know what to say. But Gal u gotta swallow up the fear and give it a try. otay?

Anonymous said...

commitment issues??hmm..iam sure u dont want to remain single 4 ever..girl take it to d lord in prayer

lol i can imagine your moms smug smil

Woomie O! said...

You're afraid.
Take your time, but not for too long. The moment will come when you just miss it all...and then you'll wonder why you were so afraid to just be extremely happy...that's what you get when you marry some guy who is completely crazy about you.
Marriage is a do or die thing, take your time.
If he waits till Dec 2009, marry him.

doll said...

where are u anyways? bn a while

Tisha said...

i will say one word
you don't love him
you can't imagine spending
your life with him.
bust it
i would rather marry someone i love
but if i can't get that
someone who is real is my friend
and is loaded and i mean
serious money
never said i wasn't material
but i'll give love a first go
money is easier to find than love.

Tilly said...

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