Tuesday, December 18, 2007


So I was tagged . So here goes weird stuff bout me
I have a thing for smart villains. As a result I don’t do action films coz I find myself rooting 4 the bad guy and end up getting disappointed.

I think education is overrated.

I can dance in my mind. physically I suck. In my mind I choreograph awesome musicals.
If I have money im not comfortable until I spend it. I just cant stand having money.

I cant stand not having money.

I love the smell of my fart and well… u know wat. Disgusting yeah but true.

I found this harder than my bar exams.

I hereby tag yayi.

So see ya all next year. im signing out. have u all a merry xmas and happy nu year. PS my bday is on the 27th Dec.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Dear Rebecca.

Work sucks. But that’s the topic 4 another time.
I remember a letter I intercepted once from my sister. She was about to give my Dad to mail. She pleaded wit me to give her back her leta but nay I had enuf sense at that time to hold unto it.
Well the recipient of her leta was Rebecca one of them newspaper shrinks/psychologists u know like Dear Abby ETC. Dear Rebecca was a shrink for vanguard newspaper. We had a fascination for those cock and bull stories it was fiction at its highest. I cant remember the wordings o the leta verbatim but it was sumtin like this
Dear Rebecca,
I am a mother of three children. A while back while playing my kids ran into a snake. As I was looking for a stick to kill it, the snake bit one of my kids. The child died before we got to the hospital. I then resolved to always have a stick handy. 2 months later armed robbers came to my house and used the handy stick to beat me and my kids another one died. My problem is I don’t know wat to do I have one child left and don’t know if I should keep a stick or not. Please help me.

Worried mother.
Before anyone points out the loopholes in the story of which there are a zillion bear in mind this was written over 15 years ago.

We still laugh over this. But now I am left wondering wat would have happened had we posted the letter. Would it have been published, wat would Rebecca advice.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

RE; Vacation time

Well all good things must come to an end. Resumin work next week monday. did i enjoy my vacation yeah eventually.
At the moment i am down wit a flu which as far as im concerned would make AVIAN flu seem ;like a minor nose bleed. I told my mum to take me to the hospital she did not answer me. at least my Father dropped 200 naira 4 me to buy Procold(must popular flu drug in Nigeria.) My kid brother just put his hand on my fore head and said i dont even have a fever- which is strange considering he is a final year Architecture student.
Anyway i bought the procold at nite and spent the better part of the night announcing to my family how procold knocks me out so i have to spend the next day in bed...the whole day. You see my mum complained and i quote "its rude of you not to wake up and greet daddy" Meanwhile by 8am daddy is on his way to work sleep is usally at its peak at that time.
Well Me, my laptop and ugly Betty had a splendid day in bed Ignoring my busy body broda who thot i was just malingering.
Thank God i am alive i am pickin wat to wear to CNN coz as far as i know i am the only person to survive this new disease i have discovered, i have torn my jotter coz i wrote all my secrets and pass word kinda like a mini will, so if i had died...sniff.. at least some one would have told you all that the gal with the latest designer disease on CNN was none oda than Anonymous gal.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Vacation Time

I am on annual leave. I actually looked forward to this. You know spend time with my mum and dad (my siblings are at school), sleep all day, etc. As soon as my leave was approved I called my mum and said I would be home on Monday. She asked why spend the weekend at Abuja and suggested I come home during the weekend. I declined.
Fast forward - Saturday dad’s bday. Mum calls to remind me as I am bad wit dates. I ask what special stuff is she making 4 daddy and she says they are waiting when I came on Monday I will cook something special. I am stunned I see my perfect vacation schedule falling apart. I try to make her see reason the bday feast should not be postponed she sees no reason.
Fast forward - Monday I was still sleeping soundly enjoyin the euphoria of my first vacation day when my phone rudely awakens me…its dad. He is shocked that I am asleep as he thot I would be on my way. He actually calls a town 45mins from home thinkin I was already there. WTF!
Same day at nite mum is naggin bout how offuneka from BBA2 deserves some money from mnet for being such a good gal (she watches only high lites so she missed finger gate- I keep mute about it) Then Dad the 60 something year old professor drops the bombshell that if he was minister 4 culture and tourism or a like one he would work hard to make sure the show is not aired. Me I am speechless. I mumble shyly bout how I really enjoyed watchin of course I fail to mention that I now bath with my pant as I am practicing 4 the next big brother.
Tuesday. A loud noise awakens me my brother who happens to be home is pumpin water, I look at the time its just 8 am.
Same day by 4 I am havin a much deserved siesta when dad barges into my room that he wants to spray insecticide. I tell him there are no mosquitoes he insists that there are. I win this battle but at a price sleep is far away.
Later in the day I am watchin Boston legal dad comes that I should come listen to 7 o clock news with him. Afta news he tells me to seriously consider lecturing. That he can call a few friends so I shld think about it- ha like I have a choice.
My mum has already bought a bucket and I mean BUCKET of butter 4 me to do all the bakin in the world she proudly announced-as if I have 4gotten our tradition of makin and distrubtin cakes/chin chin durin xmas.
People this is just day two of my leave! I am seriously considering goin bac to work, I hv no money so travellin is out of the quest.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Damn all them boutiques

I am broke.so broke that i have pushed my pride aside and have started beggin ma friends to pay me to bake their xmas cakes in advance. of course the friends think im crazy and want to pull a fast one on them. like i would
Why am i broke? its coz the the nu thing them boutique owners do.IE sending a text to suckers, like me who cant resist such, about how the have the latest items.they even say hurry now limited stock and gullible pple like me keep fallin. imagine plus i feel its rude not to respond,they have gone out of their way to send u an sms haba( really i know its automated).I actually dont remember dropping my phone no but thats the least of my worries.
So i recieve a text from a popular joint at abj. i decide to go and see lily(the owner) afta work afterall shes an old friend.i promised my self to just pop in say hi and pop out. B4 i cld say 'hi lily' the babe had me tryin shoes,skirts tops. I give it to her shes a good sales lady.
I am now the proud owner of a brown and a black pencil skirt, a denim flair skirt that i wonder were i would wear it to, about 6 tops and an empty bank account.Infact i had to psyche a friend to come take me home.
Any how my fellow bloggers pls book 4 ur xmas cakes in advance.pls pay now.seriously i wont run wit your money.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


I grew up reading Mills and Boons. I don’t know why I consumed those pamphlets wit such Gusto. I read my first M&B in class 5. An aunt left a Copy lying bout carelessly and I found. And boy did I find. I was hooked, love at first read. So you can imagine what a screwed up teenager/adolescence I was. I was a mini failure at secondary school I really could not be bothered with inter science nay what happened to M&B’. I was a major supplier and knew all the oda suppliers we had a network that im sure Al Capone can’t top. (The evil books were illegal)
I quit reading the ‘evil books’ in 100 level but my mind was all ready messed up. im still paying the price. I had no boyfriend in sec school coz while my reasonable mates were reading the babysitters club I was reading baby boom. I.e. I wanted a rich boy so I shunned all me toasters and opted for a non existent prince charming.
I was a day dreamer who believed in the perfect life no worries evri thin is meant to be rosy etc
University was the same I was looking for that tall dark/or lite handsome rich dude. I had fantasized that he would probably be my boss. I would go for a holiday Job and he would fall hopelessly in love with me. INDEED. Did I even/ever have a holiday job?
I got disillusioned when by final year almost all my friends got hooked and me? Well I wont be writing this if all was well.
Now I am a working class single woman of 27 almost 28(only positive thing in a way). Yes the rich guys eventually came but they all married. Are they tall dark and handsome? No. they are short bleached men having a mid live crisis and most importantly someone’s husband. And now that I am working and “independent” I can’t settle for someone earning less than me.
In conclusion do I have a case against Mills and Boons coz I intend to sue? Any lawyers out there?

Monday, October 15, 2007


Does visiting an old friend in his hotel room = i want to have SEX?

An old friend/toaster called me up on a Sunday telling me he would be in town on Monday. Was busy on Monday so I called and we agreed to see on Tuesday around ten. D-day came I went to his hotel he was the perfect gentleman. Now that Ten was not just a random time. I picked it so if he starts being funny I could pick my phone make a fake call and say oops got to go my boss needs me…if that does not work I would be like abi u go pay my salary? He is a Nigerian that would have worked.

Anyways all my scheming was unnecessary as he was an epitome of Gentlemanleness. Seriously his face would have been next to gentleman if dictionaries had pictures. He even opened the car door 4 me when I was going! Ha I was deceived. Little wonder later when he called and said he was not leaving town as earlier planned I jumped at his suggestion to hang out. Time for our rendezvous was fixed 4 3pm. (note I left work from bout 10-1130-my excuse early lunch) 3pm came I stood up with a frown on my face I left the office mumbling under my breath. Who born my colleagues to ask 4 my destination or if I was coming back. I had 2 things on my mind

free lunch
free lunch at a restaurant I wanted to go 2 but did not have enuf cash

Wishful thinking. Got to his room he offered me red wine I declined. He brought the hotel menu I frowned and knowing hotel food I asked how the food was. As expected he had nothing good to say I took my cue and said nonchalantly ‘o I know a good restaurant just down the road’. It worked he said we would go in a while afta we chat. I stupidly consented and accepted malt while he chatted bout how he is making so much money now…was not really impressed but I listened, nodded, and said Good where necessary. In my mind I was being supportive BIG MISTAKE. I drifted off channel O was playing and I was busy admiring Dbanj when he held my hands and told me he still loved me (had not seen him in three years so I thot considering I was fatter he would be over me). I smelt trouble, after his tirade bout how our lives would be perfect together I got up to leave. That was when it happened he flung me on the bed and started trying to fondle me. chei I tried to push him off me no luck. I forgot all my talks of if a guy tries to forcefully have his way fake consent and diplomatically leave promising to return. I prayed in all languages including Igbo and Yoruba which I don’t speak, made the usual promises to God promising not to miss another Sunday service. God intervened and Mr.Randy Toaster set me free but blocked the door saying he dos not want me to leave like this that I should stop acting like a child, and stop annoying him. Imagine I said fine 50 50 I am annoying him he has annoyed me the scales are tilting to my side. He let me go about 30 min later.
Thot I had learnt my lesson but as I was typing this that same night an ex called saying he would be I town. I am ashamed to say I agreed to meet him in yes HIS HOTEL ROOM!

Quere: who is more shallow we ladies that keep going to see dudes in secluded places or the dudes who assume our coming means we are horny?

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Im sick and tired

I'm fed up of all the cool people out there wat the hell.and to think i read blogs go green with envy and comment positively coz i am pathetically seeking for attention which does not seem to work.why do humans pretend to be nice. i mean you and a friend go for a job interview at KPMG,u fail she passes and you hug her and tell her u are happy 4 her.get real people u just want to be happy 4 her.u secretly wish you got it.
Dont get me started on when your best friend comes flashin a platinum wedding band(she is marrying a dude who might as well be will smith) u laff jump and hug her.yuck.
what brought this on...well i read Adaures blog http://according2adaure.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html .yeap this gal who i can bet my last money is younger than me has so much fun.ok so she only blogs the good things but still her good things are damn good she travels,works 4 the bruces,has alot of fans,writes so well its irritating.so i read bout her wonderful road trip to Ghana dropped a nice comment when i was really seeting and calculating my account balance to see if i can top her-no luck with the account thing as its in the RED.As if thats not enuf she appeared in true love west africa.it might mean nothing to u but appearing in true love even at the background of anothetrs picture has been my ambition.
Well i will not accept defeat all we wannabes lets come together gossiping Rocks