Monday, March 31, 2008

Barack and Clooney

Americans have no problems- constant electricity, water, Hollywood etc. They are a set of intelligent people who quest for knowledge earnestly. At least that’s what I think is responsible for some of the jobless ( in my opinion) stuff they do. Their insatiable quest for knowledge lead to the life changing discover that Barack Obama is related to George Clooney. Yes, I heard it on insider Saturday night. The silly reporter even claimed that she can see the resemblance. Barack and george? Barack himself acknowledged that the relationship was 9th generation. I had a sleepless nite pondering the issue. The question “is it really important” kept hammerin in my head. U can imagine presidential campaigns in Nigeria next thing they say Ramsey Noah is related to Atiku Abubakar. I gisted my siblings and the was not comical and ridiculous to them. On my way to Abuja Sunday morning I kept on shakin my head. I had to share the scope of the century wit someone who understood the silliness of the situation. I sent an sms to 2 obama supporters who happened to be my friends. Luckily one had credit and replied wit more bad news. She was like am I just hearing? Brad pitt is also related to obama 9th generation, and Angelina jolie to Hilary. Can this get any worse?
I adopted my friend (the one who replied) then and there as a cousin 9th generation since 9th is the in thing. Denzel also became my cousin 5th gen (its denzel he has to be close). All my blog buddies are hereby my cousins 20th generation. apart from jinta. Jinta is 7th( he has to b closer I have a huge crush on his friend laspapi so the closer he is the closer I get to the brains behind V Monologues) Also solomonsdelly kids are my 9th generation cousins. Afrobabe 10th, Guireranaija 8th (the babe is mega intelligent)onome and florida 11.who else yes naija chikito since we both in abj u are my 8th generation cousin. I could go on coz I have tons of blog buddies/ long lost cousins.
Fine I know by bloggin this I have become jobless but I just cant get this outa my head,. Im outa here.let me go and think of who is worthy to be my cousin.

PS the Nigerian senate is also jobless they want to pass a bill on dress code. no time to spell check.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A reply to all my unanonymous acquitances

I am not a just shy.extremly shy. the other day u said hello to me i answered you, under my breathe coz i could not shout out like u did,nor could i look in your eyes like u attempted to. When u asked me to come hang out wit your friends i said no not because i did not feel like hanging out wit you, but coz crowds/pple terrify me. its not my fault that im not out going or that i can spend the rest of my life indoors or is it?
ok seriously thats wat i go thru every day how does one overcome an extreme case of shyness. most people think im a snub. wats the line that divides being a snub and bein shy? are they one and the same thing?
wat makes me terrified of crowds? sure i hang out but i have to go with pple i know very well.i would rather stay at the bac..but if they insist i go to the front. if they are there im ok.
How come if my friend lives me alone in a room wit a stranger im pertrified?
how weird am i?

Monday, March 17, 2008

Every Disappiontment = blessing

The day my bag was snatched started out as a normal day. I woke up brushed took my, bath (cant rem if I prayed) and went to work. It was a Friday about 2 years ago I was doing my compulsory national service (corper ).
Any way there was a concert in family worship center church. This dude Chris delvan was performing. I love music I had to be there. I also loved Chris. As a corper we were paid in cash.15k.good money coz I got 8500 from the fed govt. so I entered the office briefly and was given my 15k.i entered ninth heaven. I spent the money in my mind.
Head office is about 60km from Abuja main town. All thru the journey I was in the market buyin Ankara fabrics, cosmetics etc. fast forward to were I dropped from the bus, 4 the Abuja readers I dropped at Sheraton junction u know that grand square wuse mrk junction. It was bout 7.00pm. There were bout two dudes at the bus stop. Feelin smart I stood in front of them practically on the main road and flagged the first cab I saw.
I was using the hand bag my mum gave me black with red straps. It was more of a clutch but I had the straps on my shoulder. I bent my head to negotiate wit the driver before he even got to me. I was that desperate to leave the two unserious lookin men who were not in a hurry to get a cab. Before I could say Jack Robinson I felt someone pushin me. I thot the man wanted my cab. Alas he was after my bag. I held unto the bag as if my life depended on it- well all my cash was in it and so was my phone. I pulled he pulled, I screamed he pulled harder. I put up good fight but the straps of the bag gave way. Well the cab man took a sobbing me to my destination. Were I hooked up wit my colleagues and called home.
My mum promised me 10k on Monday. And said she will send money 4 a fone- she has a policy of fones shld not be more than 10k, I have a policy of fones shld be 30k and above. On Monday a puffy eyed me entered the office. And a colleague S gave me 1,000 naira. I accepted tearfully. Not up to 10 min later anor gave me 5k. Hmm I wiped my tears. A friend called and gave me 30k for a nu phone. That was by 1030.The puffiness in my eyes had gone. My elder sister called from Canada she just western unioned me 100 dollars. Seriously I was the picture of happiness. Anor friend called that wat do I want him to bring for me-ha he gave me 2k on top of that.
God is good and to think I lost just bout 18k.
Yiha wed is a public holiday.yiha.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Teaching Maths

I hate a lawyer most of us hate math’s. bout 2 years ago I was doin my compulsory service to the government AKA NYSC . I stayed with a nice family of lawyers. Father lawyer, mother lawyer and the son of bout 4 who dreamt of being just like daddy.

Now the boy was my personal person. I was the one that taught him how to spell his name, told him that N and M are two different alphabets, gave him chocolates, coke etc in the privacy of my room and sent him to his parents when the sugar hype kicked in. And most importantly I helped him with his home work (I especially loved the coloring homework I bribed him not to tell daddy then we shared the coloring btw me and him). That is the part of his homework that did not involve maths. I left that for his dad. Not that I can’t do it I rem sayin but at least I left some work for you.
There was this day that his dad called and begged me to help him coz he and madam would be late. I did not panic how hard can it be. The boy is 4 I can handle nursery school maths-or so I thot. The home work was basically _ + 3 = 4. Easy we did it together I waited eagerly for him to return from school the next day. To cut a long story short for the first time in his math book he had a 7 over 10 as opposed to 10 over 10. I panicked I wanted to tear out the page/ go to his school and fight with the teacher/ hide his assignment book. Daddy 4gave me. I was given one more chance. In oda not to mess up again I brought out my fone used the calculator and told him the answers. I did not pretend to teach him afterall they thot him in school so he has the idea. Plus I had to redeem myself. As soon as I finished cross checkin his answers and makin sure all was rite in walked mummy. Typical I hissed she waited for me to do the hard part before coming home. She picked his assignment book and asked how he arrived at the answer to number one. To my horror he said “aunty anonymous gal said I shld write 3” she glared at my pink face. “How bout no 2” she asked aunty anonymous gal said I shld write 8” chei see me see wahala.and that continued up to no 10. I mean after no 2 she shld have known that I told him the ans but she had to rob insult to injury.
Suffice to say I neva did his maths home work again.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Why u should not lie to your boss

I read a few weeks back on jaybabes blog a joke on why u shld not lie to your boss. I took it for what it was A JOKE. That was until the events of Thursday unfolded.
To begin wit either my bosses found my blog or they really needed an admin asst coz the former one resigned I don’t know but I was transferred to head office. That means I can’t skip Friday work (though I have been coming up wit creative excuses to dodge work on Friday-im almost out so I need ideas)
Any how last Friday was Rhythm unplugged a show where all my people would perform Timaya, P2 etc. I wanted to be appropriately “HIGH” for the occasion which meant I have to start sippin wine from 5.U know if u go 4 these things sane u wont have as much fun as when u are intoxicated and having no inhibitions. Work closes at 5, I would be home by 6.bath get ready i.e. time to sip i.e. I would go for the show and not be able to scream appropriately. The show was slated 4 7. I put on my thinking cap and decided the only solution was to skip work on Friday. im entitled to 2 Fridays off 4 sch so why not skip work and school. Sounded perfect to me. I can cover up the school thing wit heavy reading. From Monday I told HR I was going to school on Friday. I then sang to all at work including the gatemen that im not comin on Friday. It was a fool proof plan. Had gotten a top ready, 4 bottom well it was btw cocolet and my nu love. My gals and I had planned to go early so we can sit in front.
Thursday came I was edgy could not wait for work to end so I could go and try my clothes again and decide on bottoms. By four I was ready to go and had started harrasin HR on the advantages of closing at four. Now HR himself stays near me kinda so he gives me a ride. Just as he was about to drop me off he casually said “enya so u will miss rhythm unplugged”. I put on my best gosh im missing up on a good thing face and said “yes, u see the disadvantages of school” whilst grinning in my mind. He was now like well he will give me the gist on Monday as he was taking his wife. I almost fainted. I mean u pple know how these shows go I could be shown on the wide screen or worst Dbanj might just ask me on stage wit him no way I could say no to that. Anyway im typing this on Friday nite by sure my gals and idiotic HR are havin fun. Im at home watching friends on a un high mind gosh I wish I was drunk or sumthing.
So my pple don’t ever lie to your boss. These pple have powers beyond u.