Everyone around Blogville is doing resolutions. I hate being left out. I am not doing resolution but will indulge bloggers by writing wat would have been my resolution if I was doin that.
Ok my resolutions would have been basically to put an end to my various addictions. People they are called addictions for a reason…we cant do witout them.so here is my list and reasons why I cant do witout them herein after known as WICDWT.
I would stop being that girl that everyone calls including my bosses to find out if the public holiday has been announced/confirmed by the fed govt.
WICDWT
This is an important role im honored to be that gal who marks all holidays from jan-dec a year ahead. im so good I mark prospective holidays and the day the fall on-so I can plan well in advance. This is a serious role. Without me evil bosses would pretend they did not hear the public holiday announcement. My office needs this in me so there I cant make a resolution here.
I would finally accept wat everyone is saying that Friday is not a work free day.
WICDWT
I don’t work on Fridays.4 goodness sake Muslims go to mosque on that day-so im not a Muslim but I empathize wit them I wont work on Sundays so why shld I do Fridays and well it’s the day I visit my peeps in their offices, skip town and lie to my bosses that im doin field work.
3. Stop holdin my stomach and leavin company meeting because interesting stuff are rarely discussed(like salary increase latest gist on the internet), and the official laptop is not available
WICDWT
Yeah by now the whole office knows that nothing is wrong and all they need to do is to go to the reception and there I would be on the net. So all I need is a new thing to do when sneaking out and im bac in business.
Stop using the official laptop in the conference room to browse when company meeting’s goin on.
WICDWT
No cant do that, everyone else thinks im takin notes and I look so serious it would reduce my ratings.
Stop realeasing the catch on pples chairs during company meetins so pples seats go lower and they yelp thinking they are about to fall.
WICDWT
Hahaha mhen u shld see the looks on their faces when they are tryin hard not to scream polariod moment .ok coy meetings are long and borin I hv to catch my fun. Hehehe this is fun I urge all to try this. There is no way im givin this up.
Stop sendin notes to S durin coy meetings.
WICDWT
well i can do witout tjis one considerin S went and got married. so i will send notes to k instead.
Reduce my coke intake.
WICDWT
God forbid bad thing. It brings me great joy when im drinkin a chilled bottle of coke and its slinding down my throat. If its stop drinkin hot coke we can talk but a chill bottled no way.
Stop spending so much.
WICDWT
Trully I went to lilys store and begged her to remove my name from her data base so I don’t get thase lousy sms. Of course she refused so xcept if I change my no im stuck.
Stop consuming red wine.
WICDWT
First im an occasional drinker. I take about 2 bottles per week and then its not every week. Second I have insomnia and the wine knocks me out. I will die if I stop as I won’t be able to sleep. Period.
Feed the guards if im ever left home alone wit them
WICDWT
Well Jinta I would do this just 4 u. but the thing is I will neva be home alone again.
Reduce the time I spend on internet.
WICDWT
And afrobabe should stop blogging.
Reduce listening to music.
WICDWT
I have a laptop wit over a zillion songs, I have a walkman phone wit a 1 GB memory, and I am the person pple cal when they need a song. I had an mp3 player but I sold it. I cant do chores if im not listening to sumthing,I cook beta when im dancing in the kitchen .The way I see it im rendering humanity a service by providing pple wit stuff to listen to. No way am I reducing this. Can’t do witout music.
But wait o I can still do resolutions .My New Year resolution is to do the above 10 points so well I will excel and enter Guinness book of records.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Happenings
Well it’s expected that I shld give d gist of my xmas.
First I decided that I was going 2 spend the 2 week break getting over my addictions namely bloggin, forum hopping, facebook which can all be summarized as an 8 letter word INTERNET. So there that’s why I have been incommunicado.
Secondly my elder sister and her husband came all the way from Canada with two terrorists they called sons, my siblings and I called them nephews, my parent’s grandkids. I must say the new batches of terrorists currently being recruited are a force 2 be reckoned with. Seriously I bought the nephew act for 30 min but I saw through the disguise my poor parents still think the ‘grandkids’ came.
Most importantly I refused to go to the village. I stood my ground and was left alone at home. Here is my diary of happenings
DAY 1. 26th dec
By nine AM the family had left. I sat in front of the TV and changed the channel after every 5 min,not because I wanted to but because I could change the channel wit out someone yelling ‘hey I was watching that’. I got bored of channel swapping By ten. I then dismissed the house help and told her to peep in on 31st dec. She fussed a little bout how I would cope I assured her that it’s ok to leave a 27/28 year old Girl at home. I also dismissed Bala-he doe’s odd jobs around the house. I escorted them out and locked the door doing a victory dance I was home alone wat could possibly go wrong.
At night as usual there was no lite I yelled 4 the guard who I wisely did not dismiss and told him to switch on the generator at 6pm (it’s meant to come on at 7 and go of by 10:30). I smiled all the way to my new room formerly my parents it had all the facilities TV, fridge ensuite bathroom.I turned off the generator by 11:30,I then put on my laptop and saw that my battery was about to run out that was when I made the startling discovery my idiotic junior ones had traveled with my adaptor.
DAY2. 27TH Dec.
My bday.I deliberately ignored the annoyin beeps coming from my phone. By 7 am the beeps had gotten so irritating-why I did not just switch of my phone will 4ever remain a mystery 2 me? On an off note are u meant to reply bday texts u know say thank u etc? By 11am I crawled out of bed it was a really cold day I managed to bath and had to overcome temporarily my drivin phobia to go and collect the pictures we took on xmas day, power pack 4 my sisters laptop and buy a few flu drugs. came home to an empty house.4 a fleetin moment I wondered at the wisdom of givin the help a break but cancelled it when I thot of how I would have 2 wake up 2 open the door ever morning…nay not worth it.My sisters power pack did not work wit my laptop, could not eat wat I cooked as eatin alone is borin,missed the full house briefly. The guard put on the Generator at 6 without being asked. Which was strange considering I did not give him food.
DAY3 28TH DEC
Woke up at 11.this time I smiled briefly, I miss the callous way my evil junior ones wake me. plus im staving and the kitchen is unappealing especially since the stuff from my previous attempt at cooking is still in the sink. Cartoon network has become my constant companion as there was noting else on cable worth watchin. I can’t imagine why the people leaving in Townsville have not left is it coz they have the power puff gals to save them? By evening im getting paranoid and delirious from not talking to any one, I have managed to convince my self that im going to be attacked at home, and I some how have developed a crush on a politician Dimeji Bankole how it happened is another mystery. Im tired of drinking coke and eating raisins it does nothing 4 the pain in my stomach. I cooked noodles but can’t eat more than 2 forks. Seriously eating alone is not fun. I am actually beginning to consider traveling to the village. The comin on of the Generator brings me no joy. Of course I still did not give the poor guard food(they work shifts so afta 12 hours a new one comes).
DAY4 29TH DEC
I can’t eat I cant sleep even changing the channels brings me no joy, im actually staring at coke and its staring bac,I Clean the whole house up including my brothers bathroom! I talk to my self coz im so paranoid I believe im forgetting how to talk. Even my nu phone brings me no joy. Then my evil, irritating junior ones cal me. They are tired of village life and are returning tomoro. Yeeha.
DAY 5 30th Dec
I wake up early actually get off from the bed take a bath put wine in the fridge and hide the remote.Yes I want them home but I still want my Tv RIGHTS. I even cook.Nice jollof rice with peppered goat meat.
DAY 6 31ST DEC
Im rudely awaken by my 23 year old brother quacking like a duck in front of my new room followed by hysterical giggles from my 25 year old sister. God punish them but im glad the are home
First I decided that I was going 2 spend the 2 week break getting over my addictions namely bloggin, forum hopping, facebook which can all be summarized as an 8 letter word INTERNET. So there that’s why I have been incommunicado.
Secondly my elder sister and her husband came all the way from Canada with two terrorists they called sons, my siblings and I called them nephews, my parent’s grandkids. I must say the new batches of terrorists currently being recruited are a force 2 be reckoned with. Seriously I bought the nephew act for 30 min but I saw through the disguise my poor parents still think the ‘grandkids’ came.
Most importantly I refused to go to the village. I stood my ground and was left alone at home. Here is my diary of happenings
DAY 1. 26th dec
By nine AM the family had left. I sat in front of the TV and changed the channel after every 5 min,not because I wanted to but because I could change the channel wit out someone yelling ‘hey I was watching that’. I got bored of channel swapping By ten. I then dismissed the house help and told her to peep in on 31st dec. She fussed a little bout how I would cope I assured her that it’s ok to leave a 27/28 year old Girl at home. I also dismissed Bala-he doe’s odd jobs around the house. I escorted them out and locked the door doing a victory dance I was home alone wat could possibly go wrong.
At night as usual there was no lite I yelled 4 the guard who I wisely did not dismiss and told him to switch on the generator at 6pm (it’s meant to come on at 7 and go of by 10:30). I smiled all the way to my new room formerly my parents it had all the facilities TV, fridge ensuite bathroom.I turned off the generator by 11:30,I then put on my laptop and saw that my battery was about to run out that was when I made the startling discovery my idiotic junior ones had traveled with my adaptor.
DAY2. 27TH Dec.
My bday.I deliberately ignored the annoyin beeps coming from my phone. By 7 am the beeps had gotten so irritating-why I did not just switch of my phone will 4ever remain a mystery 2 me? On an off note are u meant to reply bday texts u know say thank u etc? By 11am I crawled out of bed it was a really cold day I managed to bath and had to overcome temporarily my drivin phobia to go and collect the pictures we took on xmas day, power pack 4 my sisters laptop and buy a few flu drugs. came home to an empty house.4 a fleetin moment I wondered at the wisdom of givin the help a break but cancelled it when I thot of how I would have 2 wake up 2 open the door ever morning…nay not worth it.My sisters power pack did not work wit my laptop, could not eat wat I cooked as eatin alone is borin,missed the full house briefly. The guard put on the Generator at 6 without being asked. Which was strange considering I did not give him food.
DAY3 28TH DEC
Woke up at 11.this time I smiled briefly, I miss the callous way my evil junior ones wake me. plus im staving and the kitchen is unappealing especially since the stuff from my previous attempt at cooking is still in the sink. Cartoon network has become my constant companion as there was noting else on cable worth watchin. I can’t imagine why the people leaving in Townsville have not left is it coz they have the power puff gals to save them? By evening im getting paranoid and delirious from not talking to any one, I have managed to convince my self that im going to be attacked at home, and I some how have developed a crush on a politician Dimeji Bankole how it happened is another mystery. Im tired of drinking coke and eating raisins it does nothing 4 the pain in my stomach. I cooked noodles but can’t eat more than 2 forks. Seriously eating alone is not fun. I am actually beginning to consider traveling to the village. The comin on of the Generator brings me no joy. Of course I still did not give the poor guard food(they work shifts so afta 12 hours a new one comes).
DAY4 29TH DEC
I can’t eat I cant sleep even changing the channels brings me no joy, im actually staring at coke and its staring bac,I Clean the whole house up including my brothers bathroom! I talk to my self coz im so paranoid I believe im forgetting how to talk. Even my nu phone brings me no joy. Then my evil, irritating junior ones cal me. They are tired of village life and are returning tomoro. Yeeha.
DAY 5 30th Dec
I wake up early actually get off from the bed take a bath put wine in the fridge and hide the remote.Yes I want them home but I still want my Tv RIGHTS. I even cook.Nice jollof rice with peppered goat meat.
DAY 6 31ST DEC
Im rudely awaken by my 23 year old brother quacking like a duck in front of my new room followed by hysterical giggles from my 25 year old sister. God punish them but im glad the are home
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
None
So I was tagged . So here goes weird stuff bout me
I have a thing for smart villains. As a result I don’t do action films coz I find myself rooting 4 the bad guy and end up getting disappointed.
I think education is overrated.
I can dance in my mind. physically I suck. In my mind I choreograph awesome musicals.
If I have money im not comfortable until I spend it. I just cant stand having money.
I cant stand not having money.
I love the smell of my fart and well… u know wat. Disgusting yeah but true.
I found this harder than my bar exams.
I hereby tag yayi.
So see ya all next year. im signing out. have u all a merry xmas and happy nu year. PS my bday is on the 27th Dec.
I have a thing for smart villains. As a result I don’t do action films coz I find myself rooting 4 the bad guy and end up getting disappointed.
I think education is overrated.
I can dance in my mind. physically I suck. In my mind I choreograph awesome musicals.
If I have money im not comfortable until I spend it. I just cant stand having money.
I cant stand not having money.
I love the smell of my fart and well… u know wat. Disgusting yeah but true.
I found this harder than my bar exams.
I hereby tag yayi.
So see ya all next year. im signing out. have u all a merry xmas and happy nu year. PS my bday is on the 27th Dec.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Dear Rebecca.
Work sucks. But that’s the topic 4 another time.
I remember a letter I intercepted once from my sister. She was about to give my Dad to mail. She pleaded wit me to give her back her leta but nay I had enuf sense at that time to hold unto it.
Well the recipient of her leta was Rebecca one of them newspaper shrinks/psychologists u know like Dear Abby ETC. Dear Rebecca was a shrink for vanguard newspaper. We had a fascination for those cock and bull stories it was fiction at its highest. I cant remember the wordings o the leta verbatim but it was sumtin like this
Dear Rebecca,
I am a mother of three children. A while back while playing my kids ran into a snake. As I was looking for a stick to kill it, the snake bit one of my kids. The child died before we got to the hospital. I then resolved to always have a stick handy. 2 months later armed robbers came to my house and used the handy stick to beat me and my kids another one died. My problem is I don’t know wat to do I have one child left and don’t know if I should keep a stick or not. Please help me.
Worried mother.
Before anyone points out the loopholes in the story of which there are a zillion bear in mind this was written over 15 years ago.
We still laugh over this. But now I am left wondering wat would have happened had we posted the letter. Would it have been published, wat would Rebecca advice.
I remember a letter I intercepted once from my sister. She was about to give my Dad to mail. She pleaded wit me to give her back her leta but nay I had enuf sense at that time to hold unto it.
Well the recipient of her leta was Rebecca one of them newspaper shrinks/psychologists u know like Dear Abby ETC. Dear Rebecca was a shrink for vanguard newspaper. We had a fascination for those cock and bull stories it was fiction at its highest. I cant remember the wordings o the leta verbatim but it was sumtin like this
Dear Rebecca,
I am a mother of three children. A while back while playing my kids ran into a snake. As I was looking for a stick to kill it, the snake bit one of my kids. The child died before we got to the hospital. I then resolved to always have a stick handy. 2 months later armed robbers came to my house and used the handy stick to beat me and my kids another one died. My problem is I don’t know wat to do I have one child left and don’t know if I should keep a stick or not. Please help me.
Worried mother.
Before anyone points out the loopholes in the story of which there are a zillion bear in mind this was written over 15 years ago.
We still laugh over this. But now I am left wondering wat would have happened had we posted the letter. Would it have been published, wat would Rebecca advice.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
RE; Vacation time
Well all good things must come to an end. Resumin work next week monday. did i enjoy my vacation yeah eventually.
At the moment i am down wit a flu which as far as im concerned would make AVIAN flu seem ;like a minor nose bleed. I told my mum to take me to the hospital she did not answer me. at least my Father dropped 200 naira 4 me to buy Procold(must popular flu drug in Nigeria.) My kid brother just put his hand on my fore head and said i dont even have a fever- which is strange considering he is a final year Architecture student.
Anyway i bought the procold at nite and spent the better part of the night announcing to my family how procold knocks me out so i have to spend the next day in bed...the whole day. You see my mum complained and i quote "its rude of you not to wake up and greet daddy" Meanwhile by 8am daddy is on his way to work sleep is usally at its peak at that time.
Well Me, my laptop and ugly Betty had a splendid day in bed Ignoring my busy body broda who thot i was just malingering.
Thank God i am alive i am pickin wat to wear to CNN coz as far as i know i am the only person to survive this new disease i have discovered, i have torn my jotter coz i wrote all my secrets and pass word kinda like a mini will, so if i had died...sniff.. at least some one would have told you all that the gal with the latest designer disease on CNN was none oda than Anonymous gal.
At the moment i am down wit a flu which as far as im concerned would make AVIAN flu seem ;like a minor nose bleed. I told my mum to take me to the hospital she did not answer me. at least my Father dropped 200 naira 4 me to buy Procold(must popular flu drug in Nigeria.) My kid brother just put his hand on my fore head and said i dont even have a fever- which is strange considering he is a final year Architecture student.
Anyway i bought the procold at nite and spent the better part of the night announcing to my family how procold knocks me out so i have to spend the next day in bed...the whole day. You see my mum complained and i quote "its rude of you not to wake up and greet daddy" Meanwhile by 8am daddy is on his way to work sleep is usally at its peak at that time.
Well Me, my laptop and ugly Betty had a splendid day in bed Ignoring my busy body broda who thot i was just malingering.
Thank God i am alive i am pickin wat to wear to CNN coz as far as i know i am the only person to survive this new disease i have discovered, i have torn my jotter coz i wrote all my secrets and pass word kinda like a mini will, so if i had died...sniff.. at least some one would have told you all that the gal with the latest designer disease on CNN was none oda than Anonymous gal.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Vacation Time
I am on annual leave. I actually looked forward to this. You know spend time with my mum and dad (my siblings are at school), sleep all day, etc. As soon as my leave was approved I called my mum and said I would be home on Monday. She asked why spend the weekend at Abuja and suggested I come home during the weekend. I declined.
Fast forward - Saturday dad’s bday. Mum calls to remind me as I am bad wit dates. I ask what special stuff is she making 4 daddy and she says they are waiting when I came on Monday I will cook something special. I am stunned I see my perfect vacation schedule falling apart. I try to make her see reason the bday feast should not be postponed she sees no reason.
Fast forward - Monday I was still sleeping soundly enjoyin the euphoria of my first vacation day when my phone rudely awakens me…its dad. He is shocked that I am asleep as he thot I would be on my way. He actually calls a town 45mins from home thinkin I was already there. WTF!
Same day at nite mum is naggin bout how offuneka from BBA2 deserves some money from mnet for being such a good gal (she watches only high lites so she missed finger gate- I keep mute about it) Then Dad the 60 something year old professor drops the bombshell that if he was minister 4 culture and tourism or a like one he would work hard to make sure the show is not aired. Me I am speechless. I mumble shyly bout how I really enjoyed watchin of course I fail to mention that I now bath with my pant as I am practicing 4 the next big brother.
Tuesday. A loud noise awakens me my brother who happens to be home is pumpin water, I look at the time its just 8 am.
Same day by 4 I am havin a much deserved siesta when dad barges into my room that he wants to spray insecticide. I tell him there are no mosquitoes he insists that there are. I win this battle but at a price sleep is far away.
Later in the day I am watchin Boston legal dad comes that I should come listen to 7 o clock news with him. Afta news he tells me to seriously consider lecturing. That he can call a few friends so I shld think about it- ha like I have a choice.
My mum has already bought a bucket and I mean BUCKET of butter 4 me to do all the bakin in the world she proudly announced-as if I have 4gotten our tradition of makin and distrubtin cakes/chin chin durin xmas.
People this is just day two of my leave! I am seriously considering goin bac to work, I hv no money so travellin is out of the quest.
Fast forward - Saturday dad’s bday. Mum calls to remind me as I am bad wit dates. I ask what special stuff is she making 4 daddy and she says they are waiting when I came on Monday I will cook something special. I am stunned I see my perfect vacation schedule falling apart. I try to make her see reason the bday feast should not be postponed she sees no reason.
Fast forward - Monday I was still sleeping soundly enjoyin the euphoria of my first vacation day when my phone rudely awakens me…its dad. He is shocked that I am asleep as he thot I would be on my way. He actually calls a town 45mins from home thinkin I was already there. WTF!
Same day at nite mum is naggin bout how offuneka from BBA2 deserves some money from mnet for being such a good gal (she watches only high lites so she missed finger gate- I keep mute about it) Then Dad the 60 something year old professor drops the bombshell that if he was minister 4 culture and tourism or a like one he would work hard to make sure the show is not aired. Me I am speechless. I mumble shyly bout how I really enjoyed watchin of course I fail to mention that I now bath with my pant as I am practicing 4 the next big brother.
Tuesday. A loud noise awakens me my brother who happens to be home is pumpin water, I look at the time its just 8 am.
Same day by 4 I am havin a much deserved siesta when dad barges into my room that he wants to spray insecticide. I tell him there are no mosquitoes he insists that there are. I win this battle but at a price sleep is far away.
Later in the day I am watchin Boston legal dad comes that I should come listen to 7 o clock news with him. Afta news he tells me to seriously consider lecturing. That he can call a few friends so I shld think about it- ha like I have a choice.
My mum has already bought a bucket and I mean BUCKET of butter 4 me to do all the bakin in the world she proudly announced-as if I have 4gotten our tradition of makin and distrubtin cakes/chin chin durin xmas.
People this is just day two of my leave! I am seriously considering goin bac to work, I hv no money so travellin is out of the quest.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Damn all them boutiques
I am broke.so broke that i have pushed my pride aside and have started beggin ma friends to pay me to bake their xmas cakes in advance. of course the friends think im crazy and want to pull a fast one on them. like i would
Why am i broke? its coz the the nu thing them boutique owners do.IE sending a text to suckers, like me who cant resist such, about how the have the latest items.they even say hurry now limited stock and gullible pple like me keep fallin. imagine plus i feel its rude not to respond,they have gone out of their way to send u an sms haba( really i know its automated).I actually dont remember dropping my phone no but thats the least of my worries.
So i recieve a text from a popular joint at abj. i decide to go and see lily(the owner) afta work afterall shes an old friend.i promised my self to just pop in say hi and pop out. B4 i cld say 'hi lily' the babe had me tryin shoes,skirts tops. I give it to her shes a good sales lady.
I am now the proud owner of a brown and a black pencil skirt, a denim flair skirt that i wonder were i would wear it to, about 6 tops and an empty bank account.Infact i had to psyche a friend to come take me home.
Any how my fellow bloggers pls book 4 ur xmas cakes in advance.pls pay now.seriously i wont run wit your money.
Why am i broke? its coz the the nu thing them boutique owners do.IE sending a text to suckers, like me who cant resist such, about how the have the latest items.they even say hurry now limited stock and gullible pple like me keep fallin. imagine plus i feel its rude not to respond,they have gone out of their way to send u an sms haba( really i know its automated).I actually dont remember dropping my phone no but thats the least of my worries.
So i recieve a text from a popular joint at abj. i decide to go and see lily(the owner) afta work afterall shes an old friend.i promised my self to just pop in say hi and pop out. B4 i cld say 'hi lily' the babe had me tryin shoes,skirts tops. I give it to her shes a good sales lady.
I am now the proud owner of a brown and a black pencil skirt, a denim flair skirt that i wonder were i would wear it to, about 6 tops and an empty bank account.Infact i had to psyche a friend to come take me home.
Any how my fellow bloggers pls book 4 ur xmas cakes in advance.pls pay now.seriously i wont run wit your money.
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